I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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