So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
