So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
