every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
