i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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