I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize