in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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