his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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