My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize