Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
