pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
