I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i out mim tonsoeep
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
