Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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