yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize