i permit you to call me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
