Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I accidentally burped into my bong.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
