Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
