Pants 0. Shit 1.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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