fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
