jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
