He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
