I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
