I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
