the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
