No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
