I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
