i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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