Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
