you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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