ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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