the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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