there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
