sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
