it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize