the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
