I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
