I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
