Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I could fuck to npr.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
