I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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