anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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