We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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