i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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