There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize