I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize