she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
