She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
