I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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