If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
