um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
