Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
