Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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