Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
