Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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