he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
