can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
