I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
how drunk are you?
Several
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize