dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
