Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
