So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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