i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
