u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
