just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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