It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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