Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
